By the time I’m 29 and 2 days…

…I will have gotten the feeling of being a useless chicken brain. Not only does my body make me feel like I’m 65 after yesterday’s (amazing) water trekking but after only one class at the Summer School of Global Politcs I also feel like it’s too late for me: too late for me to catch up on all the knowledge I’m lacking on topics I’m interested in (politics, international relations..), too late for me to take up studies that won’t even lead to a diploma, too late for me to start making up plans of working into fields I like…Maybe I should just use the one skill I’m sure of and work with it: sociability. I was a good waitress, i was a good sales clerk so why try to hope I can be anything else. And why keep on feeling it’s not enough for me if the jobs I aim for are way out of my league. I’m surrounded by 15 political science specialists of various field who are 5 years younger, have 5 years more experience than me and already have connections within institutions and NGOs. So why continue trying? I will just try to float through these 2 weeks of classes, get the knowledge I can, hand in the assignments and close the doors to my ambitions of ever working within these fields. There are way more qualified people out there who have the academic background, knowledge and skills to make this world better. I’ll leave it to them and go back to trying to pay my bills and get over my muscle stiffness. i guess that was part of my bucket list right, speaking only of things I know of? Then let’s put it this way: stop talking about things I don’t know and probably never will know enough about: check.

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